I was watching a YouTube video by Shannon Kaiser yesterday (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bW0Dy0ALk9U&list=PLAQjqa335zSbwV0xnJseAaCQggxKfxNkR) about asking yourself better questions and it struck a chord in me.
If you’ve had a child or been around children for any length of time, at some point in their development they go through a question stage and every question starts with “Why…”. After a while of answering or trying to answer the “why” questions, most of us give up and are stumped for answers.
In Shannon’s video, she was talking about three steps to change your behavior…adapted from a book by Mastin Kipp(The Daily Love.) Apparently, after we’ve experienced trauma of some kind, in many instances we’ve filled it with an addiction in order to cope with it. The addiction can be anything…over eating, alcohol, drugs, exercise, sex, or any other obsessive behavior.
The first step according to Mr. Kipp is a procedure he calls, “Free your feelings”…at sometime in your past, you felt hurt or were wounded emotionally. For this step, you now determine what they are and are ready to release them and to allow yourself to feel and forgive the pain. The forgiveness part is freeing you for the future.
The second step is to ask a better question and for most of us, we are always asking the “why” and in most cases, the “why” never gets answered. Mr. Kipp advises in his book to get out of the “Why Zone” and ask your addiction, “What am I saying about this when I (over eat, abuse alcohol, abuse drugs, etc.). What hole am I trying to fill? How can I fill this hole or this void in my life?” So, asking yourself WHAT and HOW questions can lead you to more constructive answers.
And the third step is to take action immediately. Do something consistently to get rid of the bad feelings you have and the obsessive destructive behavior.
I know I’ve been guilty of focusing on the “why” and am going to be asking more How and What questions…how about you?