One thing I noticed since getting my Reiki 1 Attunement two weeks ago has been ongoing feelings of intense (and I mean intense) irritation, frustration and discouragement. It was getting to a point that I felt as thought I were going to scream or have an argument with someone and that I would regret it…knowing that the problem is with me, not the other person. It sort of felt like intense PMS.
I texted Beth to ask why I was having all this and her reply was that you will continue having these feelings until you realize why you are having them. And then you need to get rid of it. She also told me to do some meditation to find out why I have these feelings. I took some time today to meditate a bit and asked my inner self why am I so irritated with everything(most often my spouse…), frustrated with everything…job, money, etc., and generally discouraged. The answer I got was “Just let go of the expectations. Of others and yourself.”
Expectations… Interesting concept…and I came to realize that every time I have my feelings of irritation, frustration and discouragement, it’s because I am expecting something…expecting some one else to fulfill what I believe they should be fulfilling, the fact that the job/money isn’t what I am expecting, that I don’t accomplish what I am expecting to accomplish. In the irritation line the gamut runs from the mundane things like hubby not remembering he was going to take me out to lunch today, not taking the garbage out and wearing his earphones so that he didn’t have to talk(he could probably see I was on the warpath!). The frustration line involved no response on the Thanksgiving sale I was having on my Etsy shop…and I was so full of hope on Wednesday when I set it up…I envisioned my inventory drastically disappearing and taking masses of packages to the post office. Instead, very little activity at all and no sales…so that meant no extra funds that I was “expecting”… The discouragement line was the weather itself wasen’t cooperating…it wasen’t what I was expecting for the weekend…I didn’t get to be outside and make the wreaths that I usually do this weekend.
I got myself a notebook and am going to keep myself on track by eliminating “expectations” in others and in myself as well. I am often too hard on myself, thinking that I should always be doing something constructive when so many times I am tired and need to just rest. I get irritated at my husband because he does rest and I mumble under my breath that I have to do everything…I have to just let go, breathe in and out, let go. And constantly remind myself.
til next time…Eva